Grooming: Awareness of Adult Behaviors
Youth-serving organizations often emphasize training staff to be aware of the physical symptoms and behavioral signs that children show when they are being sexually abused. But another set of warning signs are often found in the behaviors of perpetrators themselves.
Once an offender selects a potential victim, he or she will prepare for the child’s eventual abuse through a process called grooming. Grooming is a method by which sexual offenders engage children and their caretakers so abuse can occur with minimal risk of detection. Although it’s impossible to describe a “typical” child abuser, there are common patterns of grooming behavior that offenders use to prepare their victims, as well as the victims’ families and communities. Knowledge of these behaviors is an essential aspect of prevention since they typically occur over time and precede the actual act of abuse.
There are four commonly recognized preconditions for child sexual abuse to take place. 1 The offender must:
- Have the desire to abuse a child sexually;
- Overcome the internal inhibitions that would ordinarily keep one from acting on sexual desires toward children;
- Have the opportunity to be alone with the child; and
- Overcome the child’s resistance.
Grooming behaviors target numbers 3 and 4. The process can take as little as a few days to as much as a year (one recent study has placed the average at 1.5 years) 2 , but offenders have been shown to be patient in their efforts to gain the trust of everyone involved and avoid being caught. The grooming process has three basic elements that are separate but interrelated. These include the physical and psychological grooming of the child or youth (and family) and grooming of the community. (See the report for details.)
Knowledge about the scope of the problem, the definitions of the various types of child maltreatment, the symptoms that children and youth exhibit when they are abused, and the predictive behaviors of those who would harm them—these can all help build prevention strategies YSOs can use to protect the children and youth in their care. Codes of conduct focused on encouraging and supporting appropriate behavior—and discouraging or prohibiting inappropriate or harmful behavior—are another tool in this important toolbox. With everyone on the same page, children and youth are safer.
Make no mistake: perpetrators of child sexual abuse are active decision-makers, and they continuously evaluate the likelihood of successfully committing this crime while balancing the odds against the possibility of being caught. Codes of conduct and other Safe Kids Thrive prevention strategies are designed to help YSOs of all sizes change these calculations by sending a public message to would-be offenders: that the likelihood of successfully abusing a child has decreased, while the risks of their behaviors being noticed and reported have increased.
1 Finkelhor, David. (1984). Child Sexual Abuse: New Theory and Research. New York: The Free Press, 1984.
2 Leclerc B. & Cale, J. (2015). Adult sex offenders in youth-oriented institutions: Evidence on sexual victimization experiences of offenders and their offending patterns. Trends & Issues in Crime and Criminal Justice. 497.
Types of Grooming Behavior
Physical grooming involves desensitization to touch. Starting with innocent pats on the back or arm, an acceptable form of touching a younger person, the offender progresses the touch to hugging, tickling, and wrestling. Over time, these condition the child/youth to increasing levels of physical contact. The potential victim feels that nothing is wrong because they interpret the touch as one given from a loving parent. If the offender senses that the child/youth is becoming uncomfortable, they will back off and try again later. The offender uses these skills to make the child/youth increasingly receptive to their touch— eventually progressing to sexual contact.
Psychological grooming is used with both the child and the family. Offenders spend time with their victims, using attention and any possible method of communication so the child feels they are on the offender’s level and the offender understands them. Offenders try to become “friends” to their victims—friends with power and thus, control—and use their power and control to elicit cooperation. Special gifts, treats, breaking of rules, foods they might not be allowed to eat at home, trips, and attention allow for a deep connection to be forged between the molester and the child. If the child shows signs of pulling away, the offender shows signs of feeling rejected and unhappy, and the child feels guilt and confusion. Offenders sometimes even resort to physical threats to family, pets, or friends if the child wants to discontinue this “special relationship.” At the same time, offenders groom parents or other caretakers who may feel happy that another adult is showing their child attention, and allow increasing levels of independent access—both inside and outside of the home. The result of these tactics is for the offender to isolate and confuse the child into feeling complicit in the abuse, one of the primary reasons children do not report.
Community grooming is the way in which offenders create a controlled environment around themselves. Offenders are skilled in convincing others (employers, parishes, community organizations, YSOs, etc.) that they are responsible and caring citizens. As a result, they are placed in positions of trust, are allowed unmonitored or unsupervised access to children and youth, and are thereby given greater access to their eventual victims. If a suspicion or allegation comes forward, it is easily explained away by adults in the organization who have been groomed by the offender to think that they would never harm a child. In this way, the community unwittingly enables the offender and confirms what the offender has told the child/youth as part of the grooming process—that if they tell, they will not be believed.
Knowledge is power. As with the physical and behavioral symptoms of child abuse and neglect, these grooming activities and their associated behaviors can also serve as warning signs which, if noticed, can be used to prevent the abuse from occurring or discover the abuse at the earliest possible time.
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